


Hot or Not

by ModernWizard



Series: The Happy Famverse [8]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Breakfast, But the discussion does revolve around him so it's okay, But the outfits vary, Cooking, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Grace doesn't like the Master, Humor, Ofc the Master himself is always hot, She also thinks she knows best, The Doctor has breakfast goggles, The Doctor makes weird scones, The Master Hotness Rating, Tragically the Master does not appear in this episode, Was his outfit yesterday hot or enh or not?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:54:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23707960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ModernWizard/pseuds/ModernWizard
Summary: The Doctor cooks weird scones. Everyone rates the Master on the Master Hotness Scale, and Yaz explains why she likes him [as if it wasn't obvious]. Grace offers some advice to Yaz, with accompaniment from a Kalamazinga grand piano.
Relationships: Grace O'Brien/Graham O'Brien, Thirteenth Doctor & Grace O'Brien, Thirteenth Doctor & Graham O'Brien, Thirteenth Doctor & Ryan Sinclair, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan), Yasmin Khan & The Master (Dhawan)
Series: The Happy Famverse [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1694899
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Hot or Not

_ [INT. THE DOCTOR’S TARDIS. YAZ, RYAN, GRAHAM, and THE DOCTOR are at the dining table, finishing breakfast. There are lots of rainbows about, from the rainbows created on the wall by faceted crystals in the window, to the darker rainbow of various woods on the polished hardwood table.] _

THE DOCTOR  _ [wearing oven mitts with pink and purple nebulae and stars on them, cocking head from one side to the other] _ : Umm… Umm… Definitely hot. But I might be biased. Just the teensiest weensiest bit. 

RYAN  _ [drinking glass of milk, scoffing]:  _ Yeah. A bit!  _ [Leaning toward GRAHAM.]  _ Granddad?

GRAHAM  _ [with bifocals on, reading actual paper newspaper] _ : Mmmm...not.

THE DOCTOR  _ [still wearing oven mitts, eating scone, spraying crumbs while talking] _ : What?! But there was the tie with the gears! And the goggles with frames that look like gears! I’ve got a thing for goggles.  _ [She adjusts a pair of goggles perched on her head. The straps are patterned like bacon. The white frames with yellow-tinted lenses resemble fried eggs. They’re her breakfast making goggles.] _

GRAHAM: Too matchy matchy for me.

RYAN: Okay, a ‘hot’ from the Doctor, a ‘not’ from Granddad, an ‘enh’ from me — 

THE DOCTOR: What do you mean — ‘enh??!?!’ It’s impossible to be enh about the Master!

RYAN: Why not? He wasn’t flirting with me. He’s not sleeping with me. And not that excited about people who try to blow up planes that I’m on.  _ [Shrugs.]  _ So, yeah, no, I’m enh about him.

YAZ  _ [finishing orange juice, surreptitiously sliding plate of scones away from her and toward THE DOCTOR] _ : What  _ is _ your type, just out of curiosity?

RYAN  _ [mopping up last of beans with toast and eating it] _ : More of the down-to-earth, not-blowing-up-planes type. And the, um, human type that’s my age.  _ [Beat.]  _ You’re gonna say ‘hot,’ aren’t ya?

YAZ: Mmmm, no. All the gold buttons with the purple were supposed to look royal or something, but it just came off cheap and...blingy. Also his waistcoat was buttoned cockeyed. The socks, though — I have to admit that ‘If you can read this, it’s because I’m about to kick you in the face’ worked. Very on-brand.

GRAHAM: My laser shoes are still cooler, though.

DOCTOR  _ [delivering verdict with a nod] _ : Mmmm, yeah, that’ll be a ‘hot.’

YAZ  _ [eyes popping] _ : What? I just said he was tacky!

DOCTOR: Yeah, but if you notice that much about someone — if you’re looking so hard that you can read their socks — it’s probably because you think they’re hot. Tacky, but hot. 

YAZ  _ [muttering]: _ Okay. Fine. I have a crush on him. Shut up.

DOCTOR: What? I have a crush on him too! It’s okay. You’re amongst friends!  _ [Claps YAZ on the back with crumb-covered oven mitt.]  _ Fams? Whatever! Friendly fams! It is perfectly cool to have crushes on morally compromised renegade Time Lords.

RYAN  _ [to YAZ]:  _ But if you think he’s hot, then...well...you think he’s hot. It’s cool.  _ [Puts up hands.]  _ We’re not judging.

YAZ  _ [inspecting inside of empty juice glass] _ : Well, okay, but it’s not  _ just _ that he’s hot.

_ [The buzzer on the stove buzzes.] _

THE DOCTOR: Ooooh, scones have cooled!

_ [THE DOCTOR jumps up, knocking over her chair, and skids into the kitchen. She returns momentarily, a tray of scones in either hand and her breakfast goggles on.] _

THE DOCTOR: Okay, fam, who wants scones? This one  _ [waving left tray] _ is  _ [sniffs] _ basil/sun-dried tomato/hot pepper. And this one  _ [waving right tray] _ is beetroot/saffron.

GRAHAM: No thanks. Full up, me.

RYAN  _ [backing away from beetroot ones]: _ They’re  _ red! _ I mean — I’m cool. I’m okay. I’m good.

YAZ: A basil one — well,  _ half _ of a basil one — for me.

THE DOCTOR: No one else?  _ [Silence.] _ Okay, all the more for me then! You can lick the tray if you want.  _ [Gives YAZ half a basil scone, dumps all the rest on her plate, halves, butters, and munches on them, still wearing oven mitts and goggles.] _

YAZ  _ [tasting basil scone tentatively, then with more relish when it’s good] _ : So — the Master — when he was, uh, on the plane, jumping around, he said something.

THE DOCTOR: Besides ‘Got you!’ and ‘Bwah hah hah’ and ‘Everything you know is a lie’?

YAZ: Yeah, but you wouldn’t get it.

THE DOCTOR: Okay, yeah, maybe we’re not all that clued in. Maybe we won’t understand you. But we can at least try. Or we can at least listen. Well, Ryan and Graham will.  _ [Glances at them for confirmation. They nod.]  _ Listening makes me itchy sometimes. It’s because there’s feelings involved.

YAZ: Well...my family — I love them, but they’re so... _ busy. _ ‘Do this! Do that! Achieve! Achieve! Achieve!’ They’re always multitasking. They don’t believe in down time. 

RYAN: But down time’s good. You can’t be go-go-go all the time.

YAZ: I think that their ideas made me ambitious and hard-working and successful. But it also kind of feels that they’re just seeing the skills, the prizes, and the trophies, instead of me myself.

GRAHAM  _ [taking off glasses and laying them on table] _ : Parents, yeah, that’s a hard one.  _ [Strokes chin, thinking.] _

RYAN: Yeah, it is!  _ [Jocular elbowing between RYAN and GRAHAM.] _

YAZ  _ [fists on cheeks, elbows on table, gazing at empty plate] _ : So sometimes I feel — I don’t know — like it’s not me in my life. It’s just this glossy, pretty cut-out standing there, and the real me is over to the side.  _ [Beat. YAZ smiles a bit ruefully and self-mockingly.]  _ So then, on the plane, the Master said, ‘Stick with me, Yaz, because I control everything.’ 

THE DOCTOR  _ [around mouthful of scone, spraying crumbs] _ : Psssssht! He can barely control his own shoelaces.

YAZ: I  _ know!  _ But still… It’s  _ me _ that he was talking to. It was like an invitation. He saw… Well, he saw  _ me. _ Me, whoever that is. And then...I felt like... maybe I  _ could _ find out who I was after all. If  _ he _ saw something in me, maybe I could find it, and then I’d be the one at the center of my life, instead of some cardboard cut-out.

YAZ CONT.  _ [speaking more forcefully, as if over inaudible objections] _ : And I  _ know  _ I have a crush on him. And I  _ know  _ I probably have poor judgment because of it. But I also know that my crush isn’t going anywhere. And I also know that...well…he listens to me. And he’s good to talk to about feelings.  _ [In lower voice.]  _ It’s like the only down time I have.

RYAN: Huh. Not sure, uh, what to say. But, um, we’re here for you, okay?

YAZ: Thanks.

THE DOCTOR  _ [after a moment] _ : Yeah. So. There were definitely some feelings in there.  _ A lot  _ of feelings. Which I am not going to unpack. Because they’re packed rather full, and they might jump out and make a mess. And you can’t just sweep those under the rug — feelings. I mean — technically you _ can, _ and I’ve done it lots and lots of times myself. But eventually you end up tripping over the same lump of grief, and the envy just eats right through the vacuum bags.  _ [Beat. Swallows scones, pats YAZ on back.]  _ But anyway, I’m glad the Master’s listening to you, Yaz. If he ever doesn’t, let me know, and I’ll  _ make _ him listen.

YAZ: Okay. Thanks. I think.

_ [GRACE enters with a flask of coffee from which she is drinking.] _

GRACE: G’morning, all. What’d I miss?

YAZ  _ [too loudly and quickly] _ : Nothing!

GRACE  _ [chuckling at the Doctor’s breakfast goggles]: _ Been  _ bacon, _ I see?

THE DOCTOR: What? Oh yeah, my goggles. Yeah, but I didn’t put any bacon in the bakin’. Hmmm… Oh...maybe I should!

GRACE  _ [sitting in open chair beside GRAHAM]: _ So what else is cookin’,  _ [elbows GRAHAM] _ good-lookin’?

THE DOCTOR: Well, we kicked off with our usual Master Hotness Rating. I think there was a hung jury. Yaz and I thought yesterday’s outfit was hot — 

_ [GRACE glances at YAZ, though YAZ doesn’t notice. GRACE gives a little frown, obviously not thrilled by YAZ’S Master Hotness Rating.] _

GRAHAM: Some jurors aren’t into the matchy matchy.

GRACE: Right, so can we turn our attention to the next agenda item?

THE DOCTOR: There’s an agenda?

RYAN: It has items?

GRACE: Yes, there is, and yes, it does. And oh look!  _ [Consulting palm as if it’s a to-do list.]  _ The second item is ‘Help Yaz do something constructive so that we don’t have to hear about her romantic frustration all the time.’

YAZ: Prayer time!  _ [Bolts from the table down the hall.] _

RYAN: Hey, I thought the next one was like early afternoon!

YAZ  _ [off screen]:  _ First fajr didn’t take. Gotta do another.

RYAN: You can’t get all up in her face about it like that, Gram.

GRACE: I’m just trying to help. 

THE DOCTOR: Yeah, you should  _ show  _ her the agenda before you announce it.

GRACE: Well, she’s obviously not happy, and I just — don’t like to see people unhappy.

THE DOCTOR: Yeah, but no one’s happy all the time, and sometimes you just can’t make ‘em happy if they don’t wanna be made happy. So you know what I do when I can’t fix people? I fix _things._ _[Whips out sonic from pocket, buzzes it.]_ Well, I don’t so much fix things as I take them apart and then try to figure out how they go back together. But it’s better than taking people apart and putting them back together when they don’t want to be taken apart. Yeah, no, you should never take people apart who don’t want it. Then they’re all like, ‘Give me back my toenails!’ And you’re all, ‘Yikes! Sorry!’

GRACE: I wasn’t taking anybody apart! Fine. Fine! If anyone wants me, I’ll be in the third-floor ballroom on the Kalamazinga grand.  _ [Clears dishes into kitchen, leaves kitchen/dining area, goes down hall. Beat. Sticks head back in and speaks very emphatically.]  _ NO ONE BOTHER ME.

THE DOCTOR  _ [finishes scones, licks crumbs from oven mitts] _ : ‘Kay! Sure! I’ll forget you exist!

GRAHAM: Needs some time. I’ll bother her soon enough.

THE DOCTOR: Who? Grace? Wait — who’s Grace?

YAZ  _ [reappearing at head of hall]: _ Oh good, she’s gone.

RYAN: It took?

YAZ: What?

RYAN: Fajr two: the sequel.

YAZ: It actually wasn’t a fajr so much as it was a ‘Please Allah, pleasepleaseplease give me the strength to deal with my chosen fam, who all want to stick their oars in as much as my actual related fam.’

Graham  _ [nodding slowly] _ : ‘S a tough one, all right, even with God — uh, Allah — on your side.  _ [Beat.] _ Hey, is it me who’s giving you trouble? ‘Cause if it is, you can always just tell me. I can take it straight.

YAZ: Nonono, it’s not you. You’re actually really good about stuff — and space — and feelings.  _ [To RYAN.]  _ And you too, Ryan.  _ [Turns to THE DOCTOR.]  _ And you too.  _ [Sitting back down with a sigh.]  _ It’s, uh, mostly Grace. And I know — it’s because she cares, but sometimes I just don’t feel like anything’s good enough, you know?

GRAHAM _[thoughtfully]_ : Yeah, I get it. It’s me shirts she’s on about. Doesn’t like checks. Or pastels. _Hates_ pastel checks. ‘You know, you’d look great in this or that.’ Yeah, well, I like me pastel checks, thank you very much. It’s not crushes, but kind of the same. Want me to talk to her?

YAZ: Thanks. That’s nice of you, but I probably should. You know — learning how to speak up for myself and all.

_ [INT. THIRD-FLOOR BALLROOM, a huge room with a high ceiling and acoustically engineered protuberances all over it, as well as the walls. Sometime after breakfast, GRACE sits at the bench of the Kalamazinga grand piano. The case is made of a shiny burnished wood with stripes that resemble a zebra’s.] _

YAZ  _ [standing next to piano] _ : I know you’re trying to look out for me, but so is everyone in my family. It makes me feel like a kid who can’t do anything right, and I come here — with you all — to get away from that. When I’m here, I’m... _ someone. _ Someone smart who does stuff. And I like that!

GRACE  _ [turning toward YAZ]:  _ Yes! That’s exactly it. You’re a truly wonderful young lady, Yaz — bright, brave, no-nonsense, a leader. I just want you to know that you really don’t need the attention of a morally compromised Time Lord to feel good about yourself.  _ [Plays some high-spirited, almost triumphal music.] _

YAZ  _ [stiffening, frowning]:  _ I  _ know _ that, Grace. I  _ know _ that. And I  _ know _ what you think about the Master. And I also know what I think about him, which isn’t going to change because of what you think. So that’s why I’m saying let’s not bring it up anymore. I’m sorry if you think that’s disrespectful or I’m being young and stupid, but...well...it’s a limit, okay? And I have to practice setting limits, so...I’m setting one.

_ [There’s a short silence. GRACE studies the keys, thinking. She’s playing something slower and slightly lower, thoughtful music. YAZ evaluates GRACE out of the side of her eye, hoping that GRACE understands.] _

GRACE  _ [lifting fingers from keys, looking at YAZ]:  _ Okay, Yaz. Okay. I see why it’s hard for you to listen to me when you’re coming from your parents’ house where they’re all over you. I thought I was just making a joke about your crushes, but it was a bad joke because it made you feel judged. So I won’t make any more jokes or comments or anything about your relationships. I’m sorry that I made them at your expense.

YAZ  _ [smiling]:  _ Yeah. Good. Thanks.

GRACE: And I’ll keep my opinions about… _ [pausing]... _ Agent O to myself.  _ [Beat.]  _ Unless he’s doing something truly awful, like drowning kittens or something.  _ [Bangs out some ominous notes at low end of scale.] _

YAZ  _ [with a snicker]: _ Actually he loves cats, so he wouldn’t. But yeah — let’s just leave the Master out of it.

GRACE  _ [rising and hugging YAZ] _ : I’m sorry, dear. I love you, but I just — I’d never want you to think that I was like Mum Part II. But I promise — I’ll be mum on the subject, rather than mum-like.  _ [Winks.] _

YAZ  _ [hugging GRACE back]: _ Heh heh. Thanks.

GRACE  _ [pulling away]: _ So you’ll be sticking to your own species for romance, right?

YAZ: Grace!

GRACE: Just joking!


End file.
